Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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