he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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