I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
