We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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