Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We need a shit load of segways right now
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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