I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
