ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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