my phone needs a breathalizer
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I use my feet as sexual weapons
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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