is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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