Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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