Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
