Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
