Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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