ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
