There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
