Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
