just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
