i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
