Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
