So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
