P.S. I can't hear my feet
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
