where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
