just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
