Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize