Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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