apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
