So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
