I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
