Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
