Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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