I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Randomize
