Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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