Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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