we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The feeling are messing with the penis
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
