i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I could fuck to npr.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
