Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
