I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
