The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i permit you to call me
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
