Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
