you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
