Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Randomize
