Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
nutella sex= disaster
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
