Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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