life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize