For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
