I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
