Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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