if i died would you start the facebook group?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
