Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It's Friday. Sex?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
