I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
