mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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