Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
