Don't EVER smell your tampon
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
