I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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