you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
