I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
