Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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