Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
