So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
