you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
