is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
