Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
