I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
