You just made me feel so damn special
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Randomize
