also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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