I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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